Six Reasons Why the Jason Michaels/Arthur Rhodes Trade Will Work Out for the Phillies

Six Reasons Why the Jason Michaels/Arthur Rhodes Trade Will Work Out For the Phils:

1. Newest Phillie Arthur Rhodes is a comic genius – if you don’t know about the Arthur Rhodes earring incident, sit back and enjoy:

   But I just don't feel like a man without them

   Sampson's hair was the key to his strength. Are diamonds the key to Seattle Mariners reliever Arthur Rhodes' strength? Rhodes, who wears a diamond-studded earring in each ear, was forced to remove them before pitching Saturday and Sunday and both times the results were less than ideal.

   Sunday he allowed Kenny Lofton's game-winning, two-run single in a 4-3 loss to Cleveland. This after Rhodes was told to remove his earrings at the behest of umpire crew chief Tim McClelland.

   Saturday, Rhodes' diamond glitter almost started a fight between the two teams when Omar Vizquel complained to plate umpire Ed Rapuano that the glint was distracting him. Rapuano and McClelland asked Rhodes to remove the earrings. When he refused, both benches emptied as he and Vizquel exchanged words, and Rhodes soon was ejected.

   "I've been in about 5,000 ballgames," said Indians acting manager Grady Little, "and that's the first time I've ever seen both teams come on the field over a pair of earrings."

   Rhodes was not amused: "Yeah, I was mad — who's that little midget to tell me to take my earrings off? I've worn earrings for two years now and nobody's ever said a damned thing about 'em."

   I don't mean to repeat his quote, but Rhodes actually said, "Yeah, I was mad — who's that little midget to tell me to take my earrings off? I've worn earrings for two years now and nobody's ever said a damned thing about 'em." It is difficult for me to get across how happy that line makes me. It amuses me to no end.
   
2. It is safe to say that all Bobby Abreu trade rumors will be put to rest…for now anyway. (It's funny - I wrote that last sentence a few days ago, but on WIP today Eskin mentioned a possible Abreu and Gavin Floyd for Jose Contreras and Jermaine Dye swap. I know it's Eskin and it isn't legit, but it's just funny that the thing about the Abreu trade rumors being put to rest lasted for about 48 hours)
   
3. The Phillies may get creative and go with four outfielders instead of the typical five – this would allow them to pursue C Mike Piazza to fill the top righthanded bat off the bench role Jason Michaels leaves behind. (Again, this was from a few days ago. Piazza is now a Padre so that ship has sailed. It is still possible the Phils will get created with the makeup of the bench, but does anybody really see that happening?)
4. Cops all over the Delaware Valley can breathe a large sigh of relief - though I think the Department of Homeland Security Terror Alert has been raised from yellow to orange in Cleveland. JMike's fists are classified by the government as WMD's.
5. Pat Burrell will come out this spring playing with renewed vigor – this is the year he hits 80 homers, I can feel it. All of those late nights with his college buddy JMike had sapped him of his power on gameday, but now that he is booze free (yeah right) he is primed for the best season in the history of the game. Plus this reduces the chance he’ll get another blonde dye job by at least 75%.
6. Ryan Madson finally gets his opportunity to do what he has wanted to do all along – start in the big leagues (let’s push that debacle against the White Sox in 2003 out of our minds, shall we? There is nothing wrong with repressing a memory here and there).

So, out of those 6 original reasons I came up with in the past few days, we can cross 1/3 of them off the list for good. I'd say that's a pretty encouraging start. I know there are some very optimistic Phillies fans out there and it is high time they helped me out. Give me some reasons why this Michaels/Rhodes trade will work for the Phils.